Freedom

One of the most frustrating things in the world is feeling powerless. It's something I struggle with often. When illness hits me, especially ones the doctors can't diagnose easily, it's frustrating to feel my own body fail me regardless of my efforts. When my house burned down without any warning, it was horrible to know there was nothing I could do to change it or save the lives that were lost. I've found out people were gossiping about me lately and even had someone threaten to hurt me or take something I deeply care about away more than once.

It hurts when it feels like there's so many obstacles that stand in the way of achieving goals or being happy. It's especially hard when I become trapped with no other option, but just going with the flow of whatever is going to happen to me.

And that's one of the things I love about modern day self-publishing. Because there are so many e-readers out there and digital publishing is now a viable option, it's much easier for an author to make it even when publishing houses and agents have rejected you over and over again. It hurts to have a dream like this, work on it day after day and know that in the end, it's up to a bunch of people, whom you have no control over and who may never notice you, whether or not your dream will come true. It's nice to be able, in the end, to at least control that aspect of my life.

And on another (but similar) note, I've also learned through blogging that it's okay to put yourself out there and be honest about aspects of your life. I have no intentions of ever making any individuals look bad that I know in person or singling them out, but I used to think talking about myself and my personal life was entirely a bad idea. You never know how people are going to take the things you write and I never wanted to write something and later regret it because of everyone's reactions. Now I know that guarding myself too much doesn't allow anyone to get to know me and if I don't take that risk, why should anyone care what I have to say?

Ironically, it means giving up some of that control I try to hold so tightly on to.